Redefining success on our own terms
Last week, I wrote about our definition of success and achievement and where it comes from. I shared how my own, strongly-held definition started changing, which in turn drastically changed the way I look at success and define my own achievements, career, and journey.
As we know, our life and priorities change, our identities evolve and expand. And that version of success, we chose at 20+ and chased for some years, no longer feels aligned with who we are today. But only once we start questioning our inherited definition of success we get to understand why things have been feeling off - something starts to shift.
Motherhood and quiet redefining
If leaving Brazil was my first lesson on a path to redefine my own definitions, motherhood was an entire master class.
I believe motherhood humbles even the most prepared among us. Holding a newborn as a first-time mother is unlike anything else. You know nothing. You learn as you go.
Motherhood certainly challenged my tendency for self-criticism and perfectionism. It taught me that I cannot control everything. In that life-season, success becomes small and immediate: your baby finally falling asleep, a feeding that works, a tiny milestone in their development that feels huge.
It puts the word success into a whole new context. It taught me that success is happening in the moment. It is not some distant goal post that keeps moving, as it has always been the case - it can also be here and now.
It was also the first time I understood that life has seasons and that each season has a different bandwidth. This may sound obvious, but for high achievers, it is not always. And the definition of success changes and evolves, too, as seasons change.
What I’ve Stopped Chasing
In the last few years, especially after becoming a mother of two, I have noticed that I have slowly stopped chasing something I always did, to a different extent: the approval and expectations of others.
This shift showed up in small ways first, and later in bigger ones - like the decision to begin writing and sharing my thoughts publicly. Writing exposes us. Sharing our opinion invites judgment. And whether we admit it or not, we all judge (and usually despise being judged!).
There is a darker side to living in a hyper-connected world. Platforms like LinkedIn amplify comparison. Twenty years ago, we mostly knew what the people close to us were doing. Today, we see what everyone is doing, or at least what they want us to see. Everyone can look at our profile, examine our choices, and silently evaluate whether it’s “good enough.” This is intimidating to me, but it must be daunting for someone starting a career or looking to change it.
I used to care about that. If someone from my “past life” checked my profile, my mind would immediately ask: What are they thinking? Is what I’ve done so far “enough”?
That “good enough” is an interesting concept: vague, undefined, yet strong enough to drive so much of our behaviour.
The truth is, there are as many definitions of “good enough” as there are people in the world. What it represents for you may not represent the same thing for me. And even within one´s own life, it can mean different things in different areas.
It is astonishing to what lengths we go in order to meet standards that other people have defined, often people we don’t even know.
We judge. We compare. And comparison becomes yet another external definition of success. I once read that comparison is also the biggest thief of joy. Because there will always be someone who seems more successful, more balanced, more accomplished.
(Seems is the key word here)
When those familiar names appear on my profile now, they often bring nice memories. They remind me of our shared chapters: schools, university, jobs, and old versions of myself. Often, I reach out, and we reconnect. And we rarely talk about careers. We talk about life.
That reconnection would not have happened if I were still consumed by my own mind and its fear of being judged and evaluated.
What I Refuse to Sacrifice
What I am no longer willing to sacrifice in the name of achievement is how I feel about myself:
– the constant sense of not being good enough
– the quiet pressure to do “just one more thing.”
– the knot in the stomach
– the fear of falling behind
These feelings used to be my baseline. Today, they are my signal that something is off (and that still happens often enough!).
If something feels tight, constricting, or anxiety-inducing, I try to pay extra attention. Ease is no longer, for me, a sign of laziness, derived from the belief that “things have to be hard”. Rather, ease has become a sign of alignment.
What Success Looks Like in This Season
Balancing a family with two toddlers and a portfolio career, success changes its definition daily.
Some days, everything flows: I consult, hear pitches, write, coach, spend quality time with my children, talk to friends, read, and exercise.
Other days, nothing seems to work, and everything feels overwhelming.
Success, in this season, is accepting both - and this acceptance doesn’t always come easily.
For me, success today is knowing (and sometimes “only” believing) I’m doing my best with the life I have right now and remembering that this specific season won’t last forever.
Success today looks like:
– a career designed to fit who I am today
– working on my terms
– quality time with my children
– staying connected to people I care about
– yoga or sport
– reading as much as possible
If most days include 3 or more of these points - well, that is success!
If Success Were a Feeling
If success were a feeling today, it would be peace of mind.
Not perfection. Not appearing perfect or in control. Not relentless striving.
Peace in knowing I’m where I need to be, doing what needs to be done, in a way that fits my life now.
What I Had to Unlearn
I had to unlearn that: – success must be linear – it must match society’s definition – it must impress someone – it must be immediately visible
And I learned that it must include what truly matters to me. And realign almost daily.
My body, and not my mind, which always used to “run the show”, now tells me when I’m on the right path: a sense of expansion, ease, lightness.
Tightness and anxiety are my signals that something is misaligned.
Redefining success
Redefining success isn’t a one-time decision. It’s an ongoing practice - of meeting yourself honestly, acknowledging the season you’re in, and building a definition that’s truly yours.
Not inherited, not expected, and not assumed.
The moment success becomes personal and internal, everything starts to feel more aligned and move with more ease than before - at least until the next minor emergency ;)